Ladies & gentlemen, and those who identify as some other gender, last night, as I came home from an audition, I caught Lorelei with her face buried between another woman’s thighs.

Please, hold your applause until the end.

I put my gear down, poured myself a New Holland Brewing Co. Poet Oatmeal Stout in a nice glass goblet, and sat down to enjoy the show for a while. It was like porn, but I was the guy walking into the room.

Now, I’m not going to bog you down with details. Yes, I fucked two girls. Yes, they both licked and sucked my cock. Yes, we all had a great time. But there are plenty of other tumblrs where you can read about - and see - groups of people having sex.

That’s not what I write about.

I’ve had reservations about the concept of involving anyone else since Lorelei first brought it up. Well, perhaps “reservations” isn’t the right word. I’ve had major anxieties about it. Some of this is owing to having been well trained by my ex-wife, who couldn’t handle my even scientifically noticing that other women existed. In fact, one night, having a late night dinner at a cross-town diner, I cracked a joke, quoting the neighbor from Office Space (“Two chicks at the same time”). Cracking this joke led to her freaking out in the restaurant, walking out, and driving off, leaving me to walk home. 16 miles. In 15° weather. Needless to say, I learned a lesson.

Fast forward to now, when I have a partner suggesting it, and I get… nervous. Plus, I’m an emotional kind of guy. I get attached. Sex has a very emotional, very connected component to me, so I was concerned about what would happen - what life would be like on the other side.

So, we did plenty of talking about it, weighing options, blah blah blah. We were reasonable and responsible consenting adults seeking same. Belinda came into the picture, and seemed to be game, too, so we started talking.

Then yesterday, Belinda made it clear, via text (and a dirty video) that she needed us to fuck her. That night. So I put it together. I had a rehearsal to get to, so I said come on over earlier - there’s no reason Belinda and Lorelei couldn’t entertain each other while I was gone.

Afterward, Belinda got dressed and went home, and Lorelei and I were hungry. So we decided to go get something to eat. At least, I thought that was the plan. The euphoria and afterglow had by now worn off, and I felt… odd. It’s hard to describe. I felt guilty, anxious, like I had done something wrong, realized I had left some crucial piece of evidence of my wrongdoing behind, discovered it had been found, but I didn’t know by whom. I’m only so specific on that feeling because I’ve had it before. Long story. Don’t ask.

More than anything else, I didn’t really feel up to much in the way of connecting, and as I found out later, Lorelei desperately needed me to want to connect very strongly and deeply with her, as evidenced by later, in bed, when I thought we were going to talk a bit before we went to sleep, she effectively raped me. I didn’t feel like a willing participant, though at one point I became very aggressive, taking over and forcing her face down. Plus, through the clarity of hindsight, it was nice to be needed like that. Sometimes I just wish she was better at articulating it.

Anyway, I’ve had some time to think things over, and overall, I feel good about it. It was certainly fun having two people I find very attractive. Yes, I just used “having” in that context. Deal with it ;) And aside from a misfire later between Lorelei and I, it went off without a hitch. In short, I wouldn’t be opposed to doing it again sometime.

It occurred to me that while I was fucking Belinda, in my mind, in my soul, I was with Lorelei. It was something I was doing for and with her, if that makes sense. I was also surprised by my reaction to watching them kiss. I had decided, and Lorelei agreed, that I wasn’t going to kiss anyone we played with on the lips, but I gave Lorelei no such restriction, for no other reason that I figured it would be hot to watch two girls kiss. And it was, indeed, hot, but I found, somewhere underneath my primal, sexual response, very slightly, something akin to jealousy. Complex human emotions are both complex and human.

It also occurred to me that I guess we’re not technically monogamous now, though I think this is as far as I’m willing to stray from it. I do get kind of jealous, you know.

But, at the end of the day, I fucked two chicks at the same time, I learned a lot about myself, and I feel closer to Lorelei for having done it.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go fuck her before she goes to sleep.